Peppered Dress

probably no one reads this, except mckay and cate (when she's going through her list of blogs to check...), but I've decided to keep writing. I like the way my words show up on the screen, as if I am leaving some mark somewhere.

did anyone hear about that story of the Miss Venezuela pageant? A jealous peer peppered the inside of this one contestant's evening gown, and instead of freaking out, she gracefully accepted her crown, then ran off the stage, exfoliated her dress, and had an incredible rash...and no one was the wiser.

I've been thinking about that. Not sure why- probably has something to do with perservering....and of course world peace.

I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life. Mainly, i can't figure out if you're supposed to just work and enjoy your weekends, or enjoy your work. I haven't enjoyed my work--- really--yet. If you don't enjoy yoru work, are you supposed to find something else? Or just try really hard to like it? Maybe I"m supposed to work for a good cause, so I at least SHOULD like it-- then lead a life of guilt when I don't...

I'm just rambling. I need to go cook dinner.....

science fair

In my family, science fair projects are legends. All four of us kids specifically remember staying up all night with our dad bringing to life one of his riduculous scientific theories. Mine had something to do with flames and different types of pajamas; my sister's was something unsuccessful with acorns, and my brother's hypothesis was: "What is the effect of no sleep on a person's athletic abilities?" which required staying up all night throwing free throws every 30 minutes.

We all remember what our science projects were, but more importantly we remember working on them with our dad. He could have just done them for us; I'm sure it would have taken less time. But instead, he did them WITH us, and we have the lasting memories as proof. I heard this recently in the movie Evan Almighty (don't judge): "God doesn't automatically give you patience; He gives you the opportunity to be patient."

God does the same thing. Instead of just giving us what we ask for, he lets us experience it with Him, which is of far greater value.

my heart is sad
i don't know why
a life not lived
a life not tried

a hope pushed off
a dream that died
eyes that weep
and love that lied

the street corner.

A man walks to the street corner. He presses the button for the light to cross. He feels a slight breeze on his face and looks up. Out of nowhere, a huge claw is coming forcefully through the air towards his head. Before he knows it, the man is flying through the air, looking down at the upturned faces of the people in the street. He looks up. He is in the clutches of a reptile- like winged creature. Before he can panic, the man feels himself being lowered. The people's faces are getting closer. He is gently placed on the sidewalk, directly opposite of his place of origin. The reptile looses its grip and flies gracefully away behind a building.

A man walks to the street corner. He presses the button for the light to cross. The light turns and he walks across the street.

Which story do you believe. Which story do you WANT to believe?

There is something innate within us all. Some childlike desire to believe in the impossible; a longing to touch fairies and fight dragons. What if that was put inside of us on purpose? I've heard it said that Adam and Eve were not real. That it's a parable made up by God and that the whole Garden of Eden thing was just a story. Maybe. But maybe not... Maybe the first step to living a completely balanced and normal life is taking the first step of belief.

a bunch of bunk.

Last night, I played bunko for the first time.
The game requires no skill except the slight turn of the wrist required to roll dice. Four people sit at a table, and according to the die's fickle cast, you move tables and change partners, unless you roll 3 sixes, which means jackpot.
I went to meet friends. As a newcomer in this city, I will do almost anything to break up the monotony of my own voice droning on and on (lately in an english accent).
It didn't work. I was concentrating so hard on the dice, that I couldn't even answer simple questions. Everyone else seemed to multitask beautifully, while I had to continuously hold up my finger and say, "please hold on."
The result was a fun game, no friends, and a stomach full of spinach dip.... which brings me to my next point- insecurity.

Change uncovers insecurity. It's always there- like a big macadamia nut in the center of your body. Impregnable and solid. But in easy times it can be covered with various comforts- family, friends, a couch, Oprah. But I'm living in someone else's house, in a brand new city, and unemployed. Here's my macadamia nut, white and bald, for the world to see.

So today I'm going to give my insecurity to God- mostly for selfish reasons, so I can ease the discomfort I find in the near and far corners of my mind. I don't think it will change much, but at least it's no longer my responsibility. In Psalm 32, it says He will surround me with songs of victory, so I'm gonna hold on to that. Even if it's victory over myself.